Aging......it's not so bad after all.

Wow, time goes by so fast! This year my son will be 25 years old. I remember so clearly the day after he was born, holding him in my arms and thinking that when he turned 5, I'd be 30 and when he turned 10, I'd be 35, and on it went in my mind until I came to him being 25 and me 50. Those numbers were so far off in to the future back then and now here they are. I find myself asking the eternal question--where did the time go? Did 25 years really go by already? My baby boy is a man now.

I remember when he was a teenager, how hard it was for us to relate to each other. When he was 14, I think, I found out he was smoking weed--at least that's what I was told by a family member, but he told me years later that he had actually been smoking a cigarette. I asked him why then had he said yes when I asked him if it was true he had been smoking weed. He said because that's what I had wanted to hear at that time. My poor baby. I gave him the 3rd, 4th, 5th and 6th degree. I even got him immediately into counseling through a program at school. After a few weeks in to the counseling, the drug and alcohol counselor told me I had nothing to worry about--that he would be fine. She said he was so different from the other kids in the group--that he was about the only one who opened up in group. Without actually telling me what he talked about, she said his sharing in group was so deep and meaningful. She really liked him and even said she would like to meet him again when he was about 25 because he was going to turn out to be a really good and interesting man. And she was so right, he is a good man and he is interesting. He loves people, and making people laugh. When he was about 16 I received an anonymous card and I still don't know who sent it, but it said that I was doing a good job with him because he was turning out to be such a great person. It went on to say that I was doing the job of both a mother and a father (since his father has never been a part of his life) and doing it well. I remember I started crying because I felt the opposite--I felt I was doing a terrible job, but that somehow, despite me he was turning out to be a good person anyway. Now I can accept that I did the best I could with what I knew back then. I think he now feels the same way too.

He's always been so preceptive. I remember too that he asked me once why I was in counseling and I told him because I wanted to break the cycle of abuse and dysfunctionality in our family. I went on to explain to him how abuse and dysfunctionality is passed on from generation to generation. He was about 12 at that time. And now I really do believe the cycle has been broken with him. He is such a good father. I have seen how even when he feels frustrated and impatient with his daughter, he keeps it together and demonstrates such good parenting skills.

So yes, I may be getting older and that age that I could hardly fathom 25 years ago when I held that little human being in my arms is finally here. But I don't mind getting older because I have had the privailage of being his mother and watching him grow and mature. Now I know I may sound biassed, but I really like the person he has become and is becoming.