Family

What is it about some families that makes them so close and others so distant? Mine for instance is certainly not close and that has always made me feel sad. I feel we are all missing so much, but we each have a choice and sadly in order to find that family connection that I so desparately needed, I had to reach out to strangers. Those "strangers" now have become my family. Thank goodness for chosen families! I believe the families that we choose are our real families, at least to those of us who are not fortunate enough to find that family connection within our biological family. A long time ago I remember exploring this issue with a wonderful therapist---she too thought it odd that among my siblings non of us are close to each other (and those one or two how are are certainly not close in a healthy way). She said that in such dysfunctional families--as the one I had been discribing to her in therapy--usually the siblings become so closely bonded because they only have each other to count on. Well, in my family the opposite seemed to happen. I ask myself if part of it has to do with some siblings not wanting anything to do with the past, that being close to each other brings up too many memories or feelings of the life we led back then. I don't know what it is, but I have always longed for closeness with my sisters and I have never had that.

What I have had is wonderful friendships with women. Women who love and appreciate me exactly as I am. Women who find me interesting and inspiring even. And of course, the best relationship of all--my dearest friend/"brother"/mentor A. My whole life changed from the moment I met him. Someone once told me, "Guy men make the best girlfriends." And it is so true--if A were straight we would never have the kind of relationship we are so fortunate to have now. He lifts my Spirit just with his presence.

So yes, I have found and formed my own family, and I feel truely blessed. Although I love my siblings and I know they love me and probably we will continue to have the obilgatory family get-togethers every now and then, we will never really be an emotionally close family not afriad to show that love--and that is a sad loss for all of us.